at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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