how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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