Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
