right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
