mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
