her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it because I queefed?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
