It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Randomize
