wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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