HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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