Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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