How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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