I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
