i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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