Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
