I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
