if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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