I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize