i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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