i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
