I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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