drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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