bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
