i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
