Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
