Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
