i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
