I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize