you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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