I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
