Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
