The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize