Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it hurts more in the daytime
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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