Your face is a jimmy john
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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