Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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