omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
