If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am available for nakedness
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
