saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
