Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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