You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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