A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
