Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
