My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
