i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
