Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
