i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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