I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i will never coherently bang her
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
