When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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