KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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