Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
