I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
