im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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