I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
