grandma shit on top of the toilet
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
