I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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