I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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