According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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