I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
