John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
