what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
not ubering you a puppy
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
