Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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